Thursday, 6 February 2014

I forgave my self

Hai Dinda, Howdy? :)

You okay? how's life? how's school? had lunch? had dinner? ... dear...? Good morning? :'

That days..
So many  emotions, that words can't express. i have found someone with whow i  can share my deepest secrets, my laugh, my tears, and everything in between. Even, i share my social media account password. OMG, i can't believe i did that :p

You listen and you care,  and i never  doubt of your love for me. I feel it, really feel it. It's just like imposibble to imagine what my life was like without you. But i can't dodge the reality.

Even though we joke around a lot and though we might not express our love directly, i know that even during hard times, fights, and periods when we don't see each other. your love is present  in many other ways. :)

I was thank God everyday for bringing us together :')
I thank you for the way you love me.
For the light you bring to my life.
For the joy you've given to me.
For everyday i get to spend with you.
and for show me the warmth of love in a family. :')

Thank you for making me the happiest man  on this earth. i am truly blessed to have you ever in my life. :)

You came to my life unexpectedly. You came to my private world with your understanding heart, and i told to my self you were different from the very start.

I'm writing this to you  for you to understand that be apart with you is the hard thing, that spending time with you is so precious, i never want to let go your hand. I just ask you for one more chance. But you instead broken my heart. :"

I know, I am a bad man who doesn't deserve to be loved. But why? You do not letting me to be a good person, to be a better person? why?.

Why you don't give me a chance? just one more chance?

I just wanna say sorry for the time i disrespect.. for the time i was neglect.. for the fact i did not know.. for the things unsaid..

I have treated you so bad. i knew it. :') i can fix you darling. Just one more chance? why?

Just let me to love you and i will treat you as my queen. I feeling sorry for disrespect.

I'm sorry, because ever blocking you. I'm just angry.. yah. i'm angry. That's what i felt and feel.

I'm feeling dissapointed, feeling betrayed, feeling depressed, feeling sad. That's it.

I am sorry for everything... So sorry.

We said goodbyes million times yet we still fixed it. I don't know really anymore if i am talking with sense now. All i know is i want my old self back.

I ask to my self, what is love? i ask to people what is it? but no one can answer. I find someone, i love her, love her so much. Trying the best to treat her like my queen, respect her like i respect my mom. But.. just like i said, I'm a bad man who doesn't deserve to be loved. I failed.

Last night, I dreamed.
Dreaming about you. whole the night, whole the dream. dreaming about us when we were together, when we were love each other, sing a song, jokes around, running around, watching movies and manything. How sweet we are. :') .. and then, when i woke up in the morning, i finally understood what true love really meant.

That love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choice you face might be.

So, i just forgave my self...

I forgave my self for not being able to let go.. and i forgave you for not holding on. :'

I love you so much that's why i'm letting you go.
Letting you go because i know..... i know, i am not good enough for you.
Thank you for all the love you gave me...
I will treasure all the good and bad moments we shared together.  :)


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